;; Hi. It’s been. Almost three years since I last logged into this account. I think it’s pretty obvious, but I have left the D. Gray-Man fandom. I wish I could say it’s been the various hiatuses and inaccessibility to reading new chapters, but it’s not.
The fandom is. Extremely toxic. It took me this long to realize it. Every fandom has its own level of toxicity, I won’t deny it. But DGM is on a whole new level. I’ve seen people kicked off their blogs because of hate and rumors without a single shred of truth to them. I’ve seen relationships torn apart.
I was abused in this fandom. I was controlled and subjected to the possessiveness of a person who was twice my age at the time. She tore my friendships apart. She spread rumors about people I interacted with because she didn’t like that she was losing control of a sixteen year old kid. She wanted to be the only person I wrote with. The only person I shipped with.
I won’t go into her actions in this post because that’s not what this post is supposed to be about. It would take too long, either way.
I am in no way claiming to be the only person that was abused in this fandom. I know of people who had it way worse than I did. I only talk to one person that I met in this fandom, and I’m sure they’ve moved on as well. This is also not the only bad experience I’ve had in the fandom, as I continued to write here for years after that situation ended.
It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even read DGM anymore, even though I genuinely loved its story, because it brings back memories that have affected me in such terrible ways.
I wanted to say that I am ashamed of any bad things I have done in this fandom. I am ashamed of the people who did bad things in this fandom. I’m just. Ashamed of the fandom in general.
I am in a much safer situation now. I have moved on to a much safer and kinder fandom. I have new friends that support and love me, who don’t try to possess me or try to force me into situations that I can’t emotionally or mentally handle.
That’s not to say there aren’t difficulties in my new fandom. Of course there are. That’s how fandoms work. There’s no fandom in existence that is entirely pure, discourse-free, toxicity-free. But I think anything is better than what I have faced here.
If you are in an unsafe situation, PLEASE get help. See a therapist, TALK to someone. I know people say ‘that’s life’ to justify all the bad things that are happening in the world. But you shouldn’t have to be afraid or ashamed to seek help or avoid negative content.
Goodbye. The next time I log in to this account, whenever that may be, it will be to delete it. I am done. I’m not going to come back to this horrible fandom.
